so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
