So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
