tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
The uberlube is also flammable
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Randomize
