I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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