So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
