I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
