I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
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