but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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