Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
Someone shattered a urinal.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
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