my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
