its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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