i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Randomize
