I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
