she looked like the before picture.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
I forget how to act sober
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
