I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
Randomize
