We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize
