I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
