he told me I talked like a deaf person
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Randomize
