So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
