Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
Randomize
