I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
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