he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
