I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
