I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Randomize
