no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Randomize
