Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Randomize
