So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Randomize
