are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
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