She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Randomize
