I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
Randomize
