he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
