I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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