You're so nebulous sometimes
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
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