I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
