The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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