Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
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