I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
