I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Randomize
