I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
I have surprise drugs for everyone
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Please don't give away my fajitas
Randomize
