So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
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