When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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