actually, I'm a sock model
She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
