I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
