puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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