Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
