my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Randomize
