Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Randomize
