When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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