Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
