I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
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